In an episode of House, the eponymous doctor, played by Hugh Laurie, has a marvelous exchange with a judgmental patient:
Dr. Gregory House: [to a patient overly concerned with personal grooming] I’m wearing a rumpled shirt and I forgot to brush my hair this week. You have Athlete’s Foot in your nose. I’m ready to be judged.
The patient used the same clippers to cut his toenails and trim his nose hair. The look of disgust on his face is matched only by House’s gloating smirk.
The entire nation of Israel must be wearing the same expression. Tomorrow, Monday, they will be judged by that body laughingly (and dissemblingly) known as the United Nations Human Rights Council. It’s hard to count the lies in that name alone.
A body that includes that festering sore of human rights, Saudi Arabia:
Leaked Saudi cables, however, document what we knew all along: that despite the UNHRC’s official membership criteria — “the candidates’ contribution to the promotion and protection of human rights and their voluntary pledges and commitments made thereto” — dictatorships strike backroom deals to elect each other onto the 47-nation body, in Kofi Annan’s words, “not to strengthen human rights but to protect themselves against criticism or to criticize others.”
Amid the trove of Saudi diplomatic cables leaked by Wikileaks are at least a dozen that explain how the Saudis bought their seat with money, and by bartering their UN votes.
They even approached Russia with a you-scratch-my-back-I-lash-a-blogger’s deal, and budgeted $100,000 for their “campaign” for membership.
Israel stands ready to be judged:
And over the next two weeks, both Russia, which is waging a brutal war in Ukraine that has killed some 7,000 civilians, prompting no UN inquiry, and Saudi Arabia, whose indiscriminate bombing of Yemen is largely responsible for the 2200 killed, 10,000 wounded, 20 million in desperate need of aid, with no UN inquiry, will show solemn outrage over the report against Israel, and enthusiastically join the chorus of condemnation.
If that isn’t cynical enough for you, consider this nonsense in the context of Israeli and Saudi cooperation agains the mutual threat of Iran. Both sense the threat posed by Iran’s Long March toward nuclear weapons; both know the shock of American naivete and treachery. But that’s private. For the world’s eager consumption, the Saudis will go all Iron Chef on Israel.
PS: With only one disappointment, brilliantly captured by this typo:
Saudis Lose Bid to Behead of the UN Human Rights Council
Be Head, not Behead, in case the irony escaped you.
PPS: Among other states seemingly qualified to stand in judgment: Bangladesh, China, Cuba, Kazakhstan, Namibia, Pakistan, United Arab Emirates, and—wait for it—Venezuela. Admit it: you’re laughing right now.
PPPS: If you have appetite for more pustules of hypocrisy, remember that the UNHRC was born out of the steaming dung heap of the…UNCHR
The 47-nation UN Human Rights Council will replace the current 53-country UN Human Rights Commission.
The existing body has been heavily criticised for having countries with poor human rights records as members.
Come on, if you’re not laughing, you must be crying. The two are not mutually exclusive.