Right on schedule: North Korea faces yet another famine (or just a worse famine than the usual), and prepares to fire off another rocket.
North Korea plans to launch a rocket carrying a satellite between December 10 and 22, a spokesman for the Korean Committee for Space Technology said Saturday, according to state-run media.
The Unha-3 rocket will launch from the Sohae Space Center in North Phyongan Province and put a “working satellite” into orbit, the report by the official Korean Central News Agency said.
The planned launch is unusual because it comes during the wintertime and only months after a failed attempt in April.
On that occasion, Pyongyang also said the rocket was supposed to put a satellite into orbit, but the launch was seen by many other countries as cover for a ballistic missile test and drew international condemnation.
South Korea’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade expressed “serious concern” Saturday over its neighbor’s planned launch, saying it was a “long-range missile test in the name of working satellite.”
If the North goes ahead with the launch as intended, “it will be faced with a strong response,” the ministry’s statement said.
“The launch is a severe provocation as it is ignoring the concern and warning from the international community and is a direct challenge to the international community as a whole,” it said.
The action is in violation of U.N Security Council Resolutions 1718 and 1874, under which North Korea is barred from testing ballistic missile technology, the statement said.
Oh, stop! I was with you until you started citing UN resolutions. Kim Jong Un wipes his ample behind with the damn things, which is about all they’re good for (and more absorbent than what most Norks have to use, I’m sure).
Oh, speaking of make-believe:
North Korea’s state-run news agency is reporting that the country’s archaeologists have confirmed the existence of a unicorn lair.
Not just any unicorn lair, mind you, but the ancient lair of Koguryo Kingdom founder King Tongmyong’s unicorn.
The Korean Central News Agency indicates that said unicorn lair was in Pyongyang City, 200 meters from Yongmyong Temple in Moran Hill. The lair reportedly features a rock, carved with the words “Unicorn Lair” in front.
Maybe the rocket is so they can be the first country to send a unicorn into space. Take that, you Yankee, running-dog, lickspittle, “extra-large bloodsucker” (courtesy North Korean Insult Generator) imperialist lackey!
Oh, speaking of real-life unicorns:
A record number of African rhinos were illegally killed in South Africa this year, driven by the use of their horns in Chinese medicine and a spreading belief in Southeast Asia, unfounded in science, that they may cure cancer.
The street value of rhinoceros horns has soared to about $65,000 a kilogramme, making it more expensive than gold.
South Africa, home to more than 20,000 rhinos, or about 90 percent of all the rhinos in Africa, lost 455 rhinos to poachers, as of Tuesday, to eclipse the 448 killed in all of 2011, the environment ministry said in a statement.
Around 15 animals a year were lost a decade ago, showing the impact of rising demand from Asia.
Since the election, I’ve been trying very, very hard not to care about anything. Alcohol helps, but sometimes an unpleasant fact penetrates my inebriated haze. North Korea can starve to death if it so chooses; China can smuggle and counterfeit to its heart’s content; South Africa can flush its riches, financial and natural, down the pooper—I DON’T CARE.
But do we have to take down such noble beasts in our degraded and debased demand for… whatever it is humanity is pursuing? At the very least, can we ship some freshly butchered rhino meat to the starving Koreans? I bet barbecued rhinoceros short ribs are something even Un hasn’t tried, and he’s tried everything, from the looks of him.
I know I can’t repair the world, but if I can just apply a little duct tape or gorilla glue before having another double scotch for breakfast, I will have done my small part.