Despite my concerns that a ticket of a Welshman wannabe and a Cherokee never-was would be formidable in these most [bleeped]-up of times, don’t we need Joe Biden in the race for comic effect? Trump’s a riot, of course, but Hillary’s a farce—not the same thing. The rest of the pack, Dem and GOP, while earnest and worthy (of what I can’t say) are about as beguiling as a flare-up of shingles.
Our neighbors, the Chinese, demand it!
FALLON: Of course, there’s a lot of rumors right now that Joe Biden may be running for president and he does seem to be giving more speeches recently. Here he is in Florida yesterday, talking about all the new energy being produced by the North American countries. Most of them are North American countries. Watch.
VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN: North America is going to be, for the first half of the century at least, the epicenter of energy in the world. Not the Arabian peninsula. Not Venezuela. Not Nigeria. North America. Mexico, the United States, and China. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
We could try to explain—if you substitute Canada for China, it makes sense—but [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] is the best response. If the emperors give us bread and circuses, do we ask for peanut butter and a lieder recital? No! We enjoy the spectacle and wait for the next Christian to be served.
I do have to say, however, the act is getting a little old:
Vice president Joe Biden declared China a North American country in a speech at Boston’s John F. Kennedy Forum at the Harvard Kennedy School on Thursday [Oct. 2, 2014].
“On energy, North America is literally — not figuratively — the epicenter of energy in the world today. There are more rigs, gas and oil rigs in the United States pumping today than every other nation in the world combined. Combined. North America will account — meaning Mexico, China and Canada — for two-thirds of the growth of global energy supply over the next 20 years.”
Well, at least Canada made it that time. But if you go to the official White House website, you can find what he’s been trying to say this whole time:
Meanwhile, we’re in the midst of a seismic shift in the global economy: the ascendancy of the Americas as the epicenter of energy production in the world. We have more oil and gas rigs running in the United States, than all the rest of the world combined. Mexico, Canada and the United States is the new epicenter of energy — not the Arabian Peninsula. It is the new epicenter of energy in the 21st century.
My online dictionary has the literal meaning of epicenter as the location of an earthquake; the figurative meaning is as Biden uses it, however of an unpleasant situation. So, his declaration that “North America is literally — not figuratively — the epicenter of energy in the world” is literally—not figuratively—nonsensical.
And isn’t energy production a bit of a sensitive subject in these climate-changed times? Don’t Democrats want to be at the epi-periphery, the epi-circumference, of fossil fuels? And I still don’t get why Air Force One, and 20-something of its closest 747s, flew to Alaska to decry the despoilation of the environment by human activity. They couldn’t Skype?
Of course, none of this hilarity will serve to entertain us if the media don’t report it. Trump doesn’t know the difference between Hamass and Hezbollah, from Al-Jackass and Abu Douchebag, and the media elite have a fit of vapors. Fine. He should. But I bet he can find Canada and China on the map.
PS: The only energy China produces comes from coal. Unless Biden is wooing Appalachian voters with a figurative—not literal—dog whistle, he’s veering further from sense.