Archive for Hugo Chávez

Autonomy for the Pelvic Region!

Too often, it has been the butt of jokes; its interests have come at the end of the line.

Hugo Chavez is putting his pelvis front and center, forcing us to give it its due:

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has left Caracas for more cancer treatment in Cuba.

Mr Chavez, 57, is expected to undergo an operation on a lesion which he says is probably malignant.

He gave an emotional farewell to his supporters, telling them he would fight for his life, and promised to return to stand for re-election in October.

Last year, Mr Chavez said he was free from cancer after undergoing surgery and chemotherapy in Cuba.

“With cancer or without cancer, with rain, thunder or lightning, nothing and nobody can prevent the great victory of 7 October,” he said referring to the date set for the presidential election.

Before boarding his flight to Havana, Mr Chavez said he would defeat “this new difficulty”.

The exact nature and extent of his illness has never been made public, leading to persistent rumours that his health is worse than officially acknowledged.

Mr Chavez had surgery and four rounds of chemotherapy in Cuba last year after a baseball-sized growth was detected in his pelvic region.

This puts your old pal BTL in a bit of a pickle. While he believes Chavez is a dangerous figure, a man who would laugh at holocausts and drink to America’s destruction… I also have a limit to my enjoyment of the misery of others. (Don’t hate me.)

So, I’ll have to ask others what they think: what say you, fellas?

It’s unanimous. I join other heads of state and world leaders in wishing Hugo Cavez and his pelvic region a full and speedy recovery. ¡Salud!

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Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Go Back to Congress

Kennedy… Kennedy… seems to me I’ve heard the name before. Was he one of the token white stiffs the Celtics kept on the bench to wave a towel?

Joseph P. Kennedy III’s bid to become Camelot’s newest knight, with a run for the congressional seat being vacated by U.S. Rep. Barney Frank, drew swift warnings yesterday — Massachusetts voters don’t want a coronation, and the Kennedy name isn’t the shining armor it once was.

Some Republicans even welcomed the idea of a Kennedy in the race — just the thing to energize this blue state’s GOP and bring in vital donations.

Kennedy, 31, is the son of former U.S. Rep. Joseph Kennedy II, grandson of the late Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy, and great-nephew of the late President John F. Kennedy and the late U.S. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy. The dynastic scion yesterday declined to comment on how he thinks the name will play in 2012.

“Dude,” he told a Herald reporter. “I’m at work. I can’t answer these questions right now.”

In a statement, Kennedy said, “The lack of common sense and fairness in Washington is a byproduct of the partisan gridlock that has turned obstruction into victory,” he said. “Americans are better than that.”

“My decision to look seriously at elected office is grounded in a deep commitment to public service and my experience — both my own and that of my family — in finding just, practical and bipartisan solutions to difficult challenges.”

To be fair to this Kennedy, he actually does work—if serving in the Middlesex County DA’s office qualifies (and I’m inclined to think that it does). But while he prepares to throw his tam-o’-shanter into the ring, you might wonder what became of his da’, Joe Kennedy II, who, too, once served in Congress, and was thought to have a political future. (People expected him to take on Scott Brown, for example.)

That Joe Kennedy has demonstrated his commitment to “public service” (to the tune of almost $600,000) by fronting an organization called Citizens Energy. Citizens provides low-cost heating oil to low-income home owners, a noble pursuit. But that’s about about the only noble thing about it.

In commercials for Citizens—do you really need commercials to give stuff away?—Joe bashes banks and the wealthy like Barney Frank with Tourette’s. He claims that the only oil company who agreed to supply oil to Citizens’ racket—sorry, noble pursuit—was Citgo and the “people of Venezuela.”

Ah, yes. The Kennedys, the truth, and extortionist socialism—good times:

Venezuela’s PDVSA said on Monday it will pay Exxon Mobil Corp US$255-million in compensation for nationalized assets – less than a third of what the U.S. oil giant said it was awarded by an arbitration panel.

The South American OPEC member’s state oil company issued a defiant statement saying it was deducting debts owed by Exxon, including PDVSA’s repurchase of bonds linked to the nationalized project.

That cut down the panel’s original award of US$908-million, PDVSA said, adding it would make the payment within 60 days.

Paying only US$255-million would leave Exxon with only a fraction of the more than US$10-billion it had originally sought in compensation. It would be a major victory for Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez that could give oil-producing nations more power in nationalization disputes with global energy companies.

In addition to Exxon’s case at the World Bank tribunal, Venezuela still faces about 20 claims from companies including another oil major, ConocoPhillips, resulting from a wave of state takeovers by the Chavez government.

The ICC does not make its arbitration decisions public, leaving few clues as to the criteria behind the valuation. Exxon has said it is still reviewing the more than 400-page document.

The often vicious legal dispute, during which Exxon briefly won an injunction to freeze as much as US$12-billion in PDVSA assets, has underlined the ideological differences between a U.S. oil giant and Chavez’s socialist administration.

I’m glad old people in Chelsea and Revere are staying warm this winter (though they may have climate change, not Joe Kennedy or Hugo Chavez, to thank for that), but let’s be clear who’s paying for it. I don’t know about Joe III, but the rest of the clan can be assumed to be lying if their lips are moving.


Portly Tinpot Prates Paranoid Piddle

I’m not sure I haven’t already said it all in the title, but here goes:

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez hinted that the U.S. may be behind a “very strange” bout of cancer affecting several leaders aligned with him in South America.

Chavez, speaking a day after Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, said the Central Intelligence Agency was behind chemical experiments in Guatemala in the 1940s and that it’s possible that in years to come a plot will be uncovered that shows the U.S. spread cancer as a political weapon against its critics.

“It’s very difficult to explain, even with the law of probabilities, what has been happening to some of us in Latin America,” Chavez said in a nationally televised speech to the military. “Would it be so strange that they’ve invented technology to spread cancer and we won’t know about it for 50 years?”

Chavez, who was diagnosed with an undisclosed form of cancer in June and had a baseball-sized tumor removed in Cuba, has called for a regional summit of leaders who have battled cancer including Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff, her predecessor Luiz Inacio Lula Da Silva and Paraguay’s Fernando Lugo.

“I’m just sharing my thoughts, but it’s very, very, very strange,” Chavez said. “Evo take care of yourself, Correa, be careful, we just don’t know,” he said, referring to Evo Morales and Rafael Correa, the leaders of Bolivia and Ecuador.

Oh, but it was disclosed. I don’t know how many stories about pelvic abscesses I read (though I shared them all with you), but it was plenty.

I wish all our Latino neighbors good health. I’m sure they’re counting their blessings having to rely on Cuban medicine to see them through.

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Thou Shalt Not Violate HIPA Laws

They take the doctor-patient privilege very seriously down in Venezuela:

A doctor who said Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez had only two years to live has fled the country saying he fears for his life.

Medical officials said police had visited Dr Salvador Navarrete’s office after his comments were published last week.

The doctor said that President Chavez had a very aggressive form of cancer.

On Thursday, Mr Chavez returned from a medical check-up in Cuba saying he was cured.

Dr Navarrete treated Mr Chavez around 10 years ago and has stayed in touch with members of the president’s family and medical team.

In an interview with a Mexican magazine, Milenio, published last Monday, Dr Navarrete said he had information from the family that the president was suffering from a serious form of cancer – a sarcoma – in his pelvis.

“I’m worried that the president and those around him do not know the full magnitude of his illness given it has been handled with complete secrecy,” he said.

We’ve been on Chavez’s pelvis—figuratively speaking—for months, back when it was a harmless pelvic abscess. So, we’re not surprised that Tubby the Two-Bit Dictator is literally rotting from the inside out.

I would say that Obama can claim Chavez as another scalp on his spear, but the evidence doesn’t support that assertion:

Who smells of sulphur now, big guy?


Abscess Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Remember the Calvin Klein jeans ads from the 80s where Brooke Shields rolled about in a tight pair of dungarees with the slogan: Nothing comes between me and my Calvins. Nothing at all.

Oh, sure you do:

Now do you remember?

Now I forget what I was going to say.

Oh yes! Brooke Shields reminds me of Hugo Chavez. (And if that makes me a psychopath, so be it.)

The Venezuelan government says there is no doubt President Hugo Chavez will stand for re-election next year, despite the fact that he is undergoing further cancer treatment in Cuba.

Earlier President Chavez issued an upbeat message ahead of a second day of chemotherapy treatment, saying he would win his battle for life.

Mr Chavez first had surgery in Cuba to remove a tumour last month.

His ill health has caused political uncertainty in Venezuela.

On Saturday, ahead of his second trip to Cuba, Mr Chavez delegated some of his powers to Vice-President Elias Jaua and Finance Minister Jorge Giordani.

But he resisted calls from opposition politicians to hand over all presidential powers during his absence.

Mr Chavez has not disclosed what type of cancer he has or how long he will remain in Cuba this time.

Nothing comes between Hugo Chavez and absolute power. Nothing at all.

And the man knows a thing or two about fashion:

And Leftists know a Liberal Fascist when they see one:

Even Brooke can’t take it:

It’s okay, honey. That’s how he makes us all feel.


Pelvic Abscess Update

I know I’ve let you down. How could I lay a pelvic abscess on you (from such a pelvis!) and not follow up.

I’m sorry. The good news is that it’s not a pelvic abscess (or not just). The better news is that it’s cancer! (I know, I’m going to hell.)

If social media is any indication, Venezuelans on Friday were divided in their reactions to the news that President Hugo Chavez had a cancerous tumor removed in Cuba.

Two Chavez-related topics were trending on Twitter on Friday in Venezuela. Supporters used #fuerzachavez to send messages of encouragement, while detractors used a similar hashtag, but with an obscenity directed at the president.

“For everything you’ve done here, you have to pay,” wrote on critic. Another wrote, “May Chavez live, but in Cuba.”

From an earlier report:

Doctors in Cuba detected and removed a cancerous tumor from Chavez’s body, Chavez announced Thursday night on national television.

He said he was continuing treatment, but did not specify what that treatment entailed, where the tumor was located or when he would return to Venezuela.

The “abscessed tumor with cancerous cells” was discovered after doctors had already operated and treated a pelvic abscess, he said. Doctors operated again without any complications and removed the tumor, he said.

“I’m eating well, being looked after well and am in good spirits,” said Chavez.

Eating well? Shocka!


A Pain in the A**

While we wallow in the news of Hugo Chavez’s pelvic abscess, another longtime critic, Mary Anastasia O’Grady, sniffs a different, if related, scent:

Some Venezuelans think they smell a rat. With living standards steadily declining in their country and popular discontent rising, these skeptics say that Mr. Chávez is looking for a way to revive his image. A triumphant return to Caracas, after he was believed to be near death in Cuba, might do the trick. If his “resurrection” coincides with the July 5 celebration of the nation’s bicentennial anniversary, for which a Soviet-style military extravaganza is planned, it would be even more spectacular.

For the half or more of the population that opposes the Venezuelan strongman, even the thought of such a comeback is unbearable. They detest his never-ending decrees and manipulation of the law. But what rankles most among those who oppose him are his theatrics, like seizing the airwaves several times a day to sing songs and deliver demagogic rants. A hero’s return is likely to heighten this narcissistic behavior. It is also true that he has said he will not leave power even if he loses the election next year.

If there is any justice in the world, he will return to Venezuela to marinate in his own stew—the economic disaster he has created over the past 12 years. A serious illness that takes him out of play would leave Venezuela haunted by the ghost of chavismo much as Peronism has haunted Argentina for the past half-century.

The real question is if there is any justice in the world. I think there is, a little, but hardly enough to go around. (Right now, like a court of assizes, I think it’s in Wisconsin.) In a just world, Tubby the Two-Bit Dictator would end up hanging upside-down from a lamp post like his fat fascist mentor, that other portly populist, that manatee of the mob, one B. Mussolini.

But that’s a very human concept of justice. Divine justice may be better served by having him die of sepsis in one of the very Cuban hospitals his ill-gotten oil gains propped up.

Just a suggestion. I’m sure whatever He comes up with will be boffo.

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That’s Gotta Be One Hell of a Pelvic Abscess

Sorry, couldn’t resist.


Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez, who is in Cuba following emergency surgery, is in “critical” but stable condition, Miami’s El Nuevo Herald reported Saturday, citing US intelligence sources.

Chavez’s government has said he was operated on for a pelvic abscess June 10 and is recovering well; the president’s brother has told Venezuelan state media that Chavez could return to Caracas in about two weeks.

But the Venezuelan government has not addressed details of Chavez’s condition. And opposition lawmakers are up in arms in Caracas as many think it is unconstitutional for the president to be governing from abroad.

Chavez would never do anything unconstitutional!

We in Bloodthirstan send our warm wishes to President Chavez for the speedy recovery of his… pelvis.

Here’s a helpful illustration for those unfamiliar with the affliction. We aim to edify!

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Be Still My Heart!

Rather, be still his heart:

Venezuela’s voluble and ubiquitous President Hugo Chávez hasn’t returned to the public eye after a surgery in Cuba that has friends and foes alike speculating about the state of his health and the future of his rule.

Mr. Chávez has been in Cuba since June 8, when he was felled by a pelvic abscess for which he underwent an operation two days later. Soon after, Venezuelan officials said the flamboyant leader was in good health but would recuperate in Havana for a “few days.”

The former official, who asked not to be named, pointed out that a pelvic abscess—a pus-filled cavity that can result from injury or infection—is a reaction to a condition. “His choice of words was a red flag,” the official said.

Eww, way too much information.

Still, I can handle the unfortunate imagery if it means what I hope it means!

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You Lost Me at “Little Hugo”

He’s got the personality of a chihuahua in the body of a St. Bernard (and now I’m going to hear it from chihuahua and St. Bernard owners):

Venezuela has told a private TV company to stop showing a Colombian soap opera it says is insulting to the country.

Chepe Fortuna stars a character called Colombia and her sister Venezuela, who owns a dog called Little Hugo, the same name as Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez.

In one episode Venezuela loses Little Hugo, prompting Colombia to tell her she is better off without him.

The spat comes as the countries are making efforts to improve their historically strained relationship.

Venezuela’s telecommunications regulator Conatel said the secretary character named Venezuela was “repeatedly characterised as associated with crime, interference and vulgarity”.

Sounds like a dead ringer. Not dead enough, unfortunately.

Though if I were to cast a family pet in the role of Hugo Chavez, it would be a goldfish: a bottom-dwelling carp that feeds off waste and garbage.

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