Archive for Mullahs, Sheiks, and Emirs–oh my

How’s NASA’s Outreach to Muslims Working Out?

Not so well:

In a recent interview, Saleh Al-Fawzan, a member of the Saudi Council of Senior Scholars, said that there is no doubt that the sun revolves around the earth. The interview aired on Saudi Channel 1 and was posted on the Internet on January 23, 2014. Following are excerpts:

TV host: Allah says in a Koranic verse: “And the sun runs towards its stopping point. That is the determination of the All-Powerful, the All-Knowing.” Does the sun revolve around the earth?

Saleh Al-Fawzan: There is no doubt about it. The Koran says: “The sun runs…” Nevertheless, they say that the sun stands in place and the Earth moves. This contradicts the Koran.

[…]

Ignoring the Koran and adopting modern theories is not something a Muslim can do. A Muslim must follow the Koran.

So much for “settled science”!

Comments

Rogered and Hammerstein

You know the preachy song from South Pacific, “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught”?

Imagine rewriting the lyrics to accommodate this command:

Apparently a fellow writing into a Jihadi chat show wants to do “martyrdom operations.” The sheikh he talked to says they’ve got a great new technique to blow up infidels. We hide explosives up your butt. There’s just one hitch. You’ve got to be repeatedly sodomized in order to be able to accommodate the explosive. So, the questioner wants to know if it is permissible for him to be regularly rogered, if doing so makes his posterior more amenable to hiding explosives. The fellow on camera, Shiite cleric Abdallah Al-Khilaf, says that even though sodomy is forbidden if it is necessary for jihad, well, then it is required. Because jihad is the highest obligation.

Umm…okay. Just one or two questions:

Jihadi: What if we make the bomb smaller?
Sheikh: What? That’s crazy. Sodomy is the only way.
Jihadi: Couldn’t I use replica of a male, well, you know. In private like . . .
Sheikh: Shh! Let’s not even discuss it.
Jihadi: What if I’m willing to tolerate a lot of discomfort when it comes time for the martyrdom operation? I mean, it’s my choice. I am blowing myself up after all. What’s a little discomfort?
Sheikh: You’re not hearing me. This is the way it has to be. Don’t you want to murder infidels?

Who doesn’t? We take it as given.

But I am a little puzzled by the sheikh’s insistence on buggery (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Does he also insist on watching, to make sure the act complies with Koranic strictures? Does it offend the Almighty if you imagine someone else doing the sodomizing—I don’t know, I’m just free-styling here, maybe 1970s vintage Alan Alda?

Hey, I didn’t bring this up, they did! I’m just trying to understand. Call it my “extended hand”.

Comments

Saudi Poets Write the Darnedest Things!

Best known for the haunting lyricism of “99 Lashes for the Woman Behind the Wheel”, this master wordsmith has a new odic offering:

Following are excerpts from a poem recited by Saudi cleric Muhammad Al-Farraj, which aired on Shada TV (via the Internet) on September 19, 2013.

Muhammad Al-Farraj: this is a poem about the Russians, who, along with the tyrant [Assad], are responsible for every drop of blood spilled. If not for the alliance between the Russians and the Zoroastrians [Iran], that tyrant would not have survived a single moment, Allah willing.

The Levant is my Levant, and the Hijaz is my Hijaz.

This people is my people, so awaken, oh Jihad warrior.

Do you think that they are avenging the day when our heroes dragged those loathsome [Russians] through the mud, making them the laughing-stock of the entire world?

They turned them into decapitated corpses and ridiculous Russians with no behinds.

The Russians are no longer courageous fighters, but are as despicable as arses.

[…]

Adolf Hitler had a blessed way of burning you, oh rotting nation.

He would rain bombs upon your land from planes and from gas jets, spreading a red mist over the frozen Volga River.

How many times have I read, in delight and relief, what he did to you on those tremendous days.

If I were allowed to pray for a non-Muslim, I would have prayed for the soul of the Nazi leader, who barbecued you and the Jews through and through with gasoline.

I guess you have to allow him a fair amount of poetic license, but still. Maybe all poems don’t have to wax rhapsodic about flowers and birds, but “[Hitler] … barbecued you and the Jews through and through with gasoline”? Not exactly Yeats or Frost.

Comments

Australian Sheikhs Say the Darnedest Things!

Somebody tell this guy Islam is a Religion of Peace™!

Following are excerpts from an address by Sheik Sharif Hussein of the Islamic Da’wa Center of South Australia (IDCSA) in Adelaide, which was posted on the Internet on July 3, 2013.

Sheik Sharif Hussein: The Jews, always and everywhere, supply the hypocrites, lackeys, and traitors among the Muslims – whether presidents, ministers, or leaders of secular pan-Arab movements – with money, media outlets, weapons, and so on, in order to generate confusion and strife within Muslim societies.

[…]

Tens of thousands of women were raped in Iraq by the American and British Crusader troops, aided by the Australian troops.

The Australian participation in the Crusaders’ war on Iraq is 6%. This is out of approximately 365,000 Crusader pigs sent to Iraq, during the term of [former Australian prime minister] John Howard, Allah’s wrath be upon him.

If the Muslims had any say in this, any honor, this war criminal would have faced trial, along with all those who waged war against Afghanistan and Iraq, which they razed to the ground.

[…]

Listen, oh Obama, oh enemy of Allah, you who kiss the shoes and feet of the Jews. Listen! The day will come when you are trampled upon by the pure feet of the Muslims.

[…]

Oh Allah, count the Buddhists and the Hindus one by one. Oh Allah, count them and kill them to the very last one.

Australians, Britons, Americans, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, John Howard, Barack Obama—is there anyone he does like? And are Muslims especially noted for their podiatric hygiene?

Cover your feet, woman! Though they are rather fetching…

Comments

Pakistani Clerics Say the Darnedest Things!

Crazy Eddie was never this crazy:

This year, one TV cleric is trying to gain his share of the Ramadan viewing figures through a unique prize give away.

The prize? Babies.

The British Telegraph reported Wednesday that Aamit Liaquat Hussain has given away two abandoned babies so far, in what he insists is actually an act of kindness to childless couples.

“This is the beautiful girl who was thrown on a pile of garbage by somebody. See how beautiful and innocent she is,” he declared, showing the baby girl to the camera.

Hussain is no stranger to controversy. In 2008 he hosted a show with other Islamic clerics in which he declared that members of the Ahmadi minority Muslim sect “deserved to die” as heretics.

During his religious-orientated programs, viewers constantly call in to donate money.

Bina Shah, a Pakistani writer based in Karachi, where the programme was filmed, condemned it as “the worst violation of media ethics I can think of.”

“It just speaks to the commercialization of everything in Pakistani society including religion,” she said.

I think certain aspects of their religion could use more commercialization, and less purity, but I’m an infidel.

This being Arutz Sheva, they can’t resist a little editorialization:

Some Middle Eastern media observers, however, may fail to see what all the fuss is about, given the use of prime-time Ramadan TV slots to air virulently antisemitic TV shows in the Arab world.

See? Isn’t it better to find homes for abandoned children than to spew blood libel? Ask the childless couples who now have a baby to love.

PS: I miss Crazy Eddie.

Comments

Benghazi Sheiks Say the Darnedest Things!

What channel is the Libyan women’s soccer team on? Sound like must-see TV!

Following are excerpts from a Friday sermon delivered by Sheik Salem Jaber, in Benghazi, Libya, which aired on Libya Al-Hurra TV on June 7, 2013:

Every day, I hope to hear on TV that from now on, anybody who drinks wine will receive 40 or 80 lashes, or that a fornicator – male or female – will receive 100 lashes, in accordance with the explicit word of the Koran.

So it came as a surprise to me to hear the news that a sports team was being established at the university. Is it for youth who are failing in their studies? Or is it for outstanding youth? No, it is for neither. Tall, young, and beautiful girls were picked for the team. Just what our country needed… A woman’s soccer team.

Is this what our country needs? What about Islamic universities? What about Islamic punishments? What about judges? What about rights and duties? What about the fear of Allah? What about implementing the punishments decreed by Allah?

Whose daughters are these? Are they the daughters of Jews, of Christians, or of Zoroastrians? Are they the daughters of heretics? Of Communists? It is written in their fathers’ ID cards that they are Muslim.

But today, these girls are exposing their heads. Is this to be allowed? In a few months’ time, they will be exposing their legs. The day they joined [the soccer team], exposing what should be hidden, these girls sold out their honor, and soiled the honor of their families with the filth of nudity and shamelessness.

Sounds like he’s getting a little steamed up. I know I am.

BTW, I don’t think he knows the half of it:

Legs are just the beginning, Salem. And praise God for it. If you can’t beat them (literally), enjoy them.

Comments

Egyptian PARLIAMENTARIANS Say the Darnedest Things

If you’re Egyptian, this is your government at work:

Following are excerpts from a public address delivered by Egyptian Shura Council member Sheik Muhammad Al-Saghir, upon his visit to Gaza, which aired on Al-Aqsa TV on May 9, 2013:

America is the patron of Israel the foundling. It is America that plunged a poisonous dagger of hatred into the heart of the Arab and Islamic nation. America holds the remote control, and commands the movements of its apes, its pigs, and its juvenile thugs on the frontier land of glory. America… Let us never forget that when you see a moving puppet, do not pay attention to the puppet itself. Always look for the filthy hands that command this puppet.

[...]

I represent the [Egyptian] people as a preacher in Al-Azhar and as a member of parliament. All the people who wrote posts on [my social media] page asked for the same thing: “Oh sheik, Jerusalem is in our hearts, and Palestine is the apple of our eye. If we are not allowed to visit [Palestine], we will meet them with the beating of the drums of Jihad.” They asked me to kiss the heads of the mothers and fathers of the martyrs, and if I cannot, they asked me to kiss, on behalf of the Egyptian people, the head of the symbol of resistance, Ismail Haniya. So that’s what I will do.

Al-Saghhir walks over to Haniya blesses him and kisses him on the forehead
To the applause and cheers of the crowd

Oh, to have had even one bullet at that instant!

Comments

Egyptian Clerics Say the Darnedest Things!

Somebody get this guy a gig at Salon.com!

Following are excerpts from an interview with Egyptian Salafi cleric Sheik Murgan Salem, which aired on Tahrir TV on April 16, 2013:

Interviewer: Today, we will be talking about the Boston bombings, which took place yesterday, during the marathon. There were casualties. People were wounded and killed. What is your analysis of what happened?

Murgan Salem: In the name of Allah, the Merciful, the Compassionate. Obviously, I do not know who carried out that operation, but if it was done by the mujahideen, it serves as a message to America and the West: We are still alive. Contrary to what you say, we have not died. The [Americans] wanted to send a message to the entire world that they had finished off the mujahideen – not just the mujahideen of Al-Qaeda, but the mujahideen all over the world. I do not know who carried out this attack, but if it was indeed the mujahideen, it was meant as a clear message to America and to the West.

The Americans have passed their arrogance over to France. France, which led the first Crusade, is now leading the war against Islam and the Muslims. They must taste the bitter retribution for their deeds. This is not a threat, but a warning of what might happen to them.

Interviewer: To America and the West?

Murgan Salem: To France in particular, and to America and the entire West.

Interviewer: Why?

Murgan Salem: Because the [French] are leading the war against us. What brought France to Mali? Or America to Afghanistan and Iraq? Why don’t they let our nation be? Have we ever interfered in their affairs?

[…]

France has accepted the banner of arrogance and enmity to Islam, so it will taste what it deserves. I cannot be held responsible for over one million [Muslims] in the West, who were harmed by French and American policy. More than one million [Muslims] were born in the West. I cannot be held responsible for them. I do not know what they may do. The [Westerners] are facing a deluge, and they will be destroyed.

Interviewer: Destroyed?

Murgan Salem: There is no doubt about it. The U.S. has completely collapsed, even if they are not hurrying to admit it. The American debt has reached how many trillions of dollars? They have a huge debt. Now poverty is spreading throughout America.

[…]

Interviewer: Who do you consider to be an infidel?

Murgan Salem: Anyone who does not accept Islam. They are either original infidels, like the Jews and Christians, or apostates, like the secularists, liberals, Communists, or socialists. Whoever does not accept Islam is an infidel. Allah said so, not me.

Earlier today, we noted how French mayors are trying to placate Islamist sympathies by celebrating Arab terrorists. “Coincidentally”, Jewish emigration from France is stampeding. Yet Muslims like this guy declare jihad against the country. Appeasement never works, France. Never has, never will. You should know.

Comments (1)

Egyptian Clerics Say the Darnedest Things!

God bless ‘em:

Following are excerpts from a sermon delivered by an Egyptian cleric at Tahrir Square, which was posted on the Internet on March 22, 2013.

Oh Egyptians, beware! If you encounter a Hamas member who supports the Muslim Brotherhood, in any Egyptian province – it is permitted to kill him, because he has violated the sanctity of our country.

We say to the people of Gaza: Take to the streets in order to topple Hamas. They have killed the [Egyptian] soldiers.

[…]

Stop glorifying [Morsi]. He is no president and no doctor. He is an elementary-school dropout. He is mentally insane. He is an escaped convict, and we will send him back to jail.

[…]

Oh Morsi, by Allah, prison is very near.

Given Egypt’s recent history, I don’t doubt it.

Comments (1)

Egyptian Clerics Say the Darnedest Things

He’s no Abu Islam (our favorite wacky Wahhabist)—but he gets ‘er done:

An Islamic cleric who opposes the Muslim Brotherhood and supports a “civil state” system in the post-revolutionary Egypt described Friday Islamist President Mohammed Mursi as a “Zionist” who shares security interests with Israel.

Speaking to protesters in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, Sheikh Mohammed Abdullah Nasr, leader of the Front “Ozharyoun with civil state,” said U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is coming to Egypt on March 2 to support “Mursi the Zionist.”

“They are all relatives, the Brotherhood and the Jews are one; Israel’s security is part of the Brotherhood’s security and the security of the Brotherhood is part of Israel’s security,” Sheikh Nasr said in a video posted on the website of Adostor newspaper (www.dostor.org) He described Kerry as a “Jew and the son of a Jew,” saying the American top diplomat would be received with mobs hurling eggs and tomatoes at him upon his arrival to Egypt.
“As for myself, I have a special gift for him and for anyone who supports the regime of the Brotherhood’s regime,” Sheikh Nasr said, before removing his shoe and raising it in front of the crowd.

Hear that, Mr. Secretary? Don’t bother packing your Cole-Haans. You’ll have no shortage of choice of footwear the moment you step off the plane.

He’s only sort of right about Kerry being Jewish. His paternal grandparents were, but converted to Catholicism (and changed their name from Köhn) in 1901. But then, anybody who can utter the phrase “Mursi the Zionist” doesn’t have a firm grasp of reality.

Comments

Egyptian Clerics Say the Darnedest Things!

Gives new meaning to the phrase “He is risen”:

Following are excerpts from an address by Egyptian cleric Abu Islam, which aired on Al-Omma TV (via the Internet) on Feburary 13, 2013.

I swear to God the Almighty – and believe me, I am not lying – that the Church worship originated in the worship of the penis. I swear to God. This is documented in dozens of pictures.

Let me tell you something – it’s indecent, but true. Take a look at a picture of Jesus, and you’ll see a penis, right here. Or is it on this side? Oh, it’s on the right side. A penis, right here. There are many pictures like this. They worship it.

[…]

[Christian women] raise cats and dogs as a substitute for husbands. They train their dogs to play the husband. I swear to God, I am not lying. They buy dogs for this purpose. They train dogs to play the husband on them. Christian women do that.

Well, can you imagine a canary playing that role? Or a box turtle? Think, man!

Of course, we’ve met Abu Islam before.

Comments

Egyptian Clerics Say the Darnedest Things!

Good to know!

Following are excerpts from a religious program featuring Egyptian cleric Abu Islam, which aired on Al-Omma TV on February 7, 2013:

Abu Islam: They say that [harming] women is taboo. The naked, unveiled women who go [to Tahrir Square] in order to get raped – all of a sudden, they are considered taboo… Then they call for Morsi and the Muslim Brotherhood to resign. By the way, 90% of them are Crusader women, and the other 10% are Freemasons and widows who are fearless and out of control. These women talk like ghouls. They have no shame, no manners, no fear, and not a shred of femininity. Be feminine, woman! You have a religious obligation to be a woman. But you see these women with disheveled hair, like a devil! These are devils in the form of women. You should learn from Muslim women.

That’s gotta be one of the best Muslim cleric rants we’ve ever posted—but then what do you expect from someone named Abu Islam? Carry that name, gotta bring the heat.

Sorry ladies, but even insane Egyptian misogynists deserve their bandwidth. Now brush your hair and put on some clothes!

Comments

« Previous entries Next Page » Next Page »