You know the preachy song from South Pacific, “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught”?
Imagine rewriting the lyrics to accommodate this command:
Apparently a fellow writing into a Jihadi chat show wants to do “martyrdom operations.” The sheikh he talked to says they’ve got a great new technique to blow up infidels. We hide explosives up your butt. There’s just one hitch. You’ve got to be repeatedly sodomized in order to be able to accommodate the explosive. So, the questioner wants to know if it is permissible for him to be regularly rogered, if doing so makes his posterior more amenable to hiding explosives. The fellow on camera, Shiite cleric Abdallah Al-Khilaf, says that even though sodomy is forbidden if it is necessary for jihad, well, then it is required. Because jihad is the highest obligation.
Umm…okay. Just one or two questions:
Jihadi: What if we make the bomb smaller?
Sheikh: What? That’s crazy. Sodomy is the only way.
Jihadi: Couldn’t I use replica of a male, well, you know. In private like . . .
Sheikh: Shh! Let’s not even discuss it.
Jihadi: What if I’m willing to tolerate a lot of discomfort when it comes time for the martyrdom operation? I mean, it’s my choice. I am blowing myself up after all. What’s a little discomfort?
Sheikh: You’re not hearing me. This is the way it has to be. Don’t you want to murder infidels?
Who doesn’t? We take it as given.
But I am a little puzzled by the sheikh’s insistence on buggery (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Does he also insist on watching, to make sure the act complies with Koranic strictures? Does it offend the Almighty if you imagine someone else doing the sodomizing—I don’t know, I’m just free-styling here, maybe 1970s vintage Alan Alda?
Hey, I didn’t bring this up, they did! I’m just trying to understand. Call it my “extended hand”.