Al Qaeda’s Number Two
Al Qaeda’s Number Two
I’ll say they are. Hey, don’t accuse me of scatalogical name-calling. That’s what Agence France Press calls Ayman al-Zawahiri. I prefer to call him Zany Ira (after his explosive anagram A wham ail zany Ira). Aren’t the French supposed to be known for their diplomacy?
After our failed attempt to acquaint him with an assortment of six dozen virgins, Zany Ira popped up on TV with the Arabic equivalent of “Missed me, missed me, now you’ve got to kiss me!” (Personally, I’d rather welcome back the caliphate, but to the story:)
Mon Jan 30, 3:31 PM ET
DUBAI (AFP) - Al-Qaeda’s number two Ayman al-Zawahiri said he survived a controversial US raid targeting him in Pakistan, according to a video broadcast on the Arab satellite channel Al-Jazeera. A January 13 attack on Damadola, a remote Pakistani village bordering Afghanistan, killed 18 civilians and was said by US intelligence sources to have targeted Zawahiri, the chief ideologue of Osama bin Laden’s network. “US planes launched a raid against the village of Damadola… under the pretext of wanting to kill me and four of my companions,” Zawahiri said, wearing a white turban and robe. “The entire world has discovered the extent of the American lies and of their ruin and of their savagery in their war against Islam and Muslims,” he said. “I will find death when God has decided it according to His will, but if my hour has not come, neither you nor any force on earth… could speed up my hour (of death) by one second…. Bush, do you know where to find me? I am among the masses of Muslims, rejoicing in their support, their attention, their generosity, their protection and their participation in jihad until we conquer you with the help and power of God.”… Zawahiri claimed that the raid was carried out in collusion with the Pakistani president, “the traitor and his security services, the slaves of Crusaders and Jews.”
Ah, those Crusaders and Jews–forever marching in lockstep, forever enslaving the free will of the world’s masses. Isn’t he a riot? He must be getting the cream of that reborn Afghan opium crop. The story says Zany Ira looked “healthy” and “comfortable,” but I’ll be damned (yes you will, Blood) if I can see it; maybe they meant just in comparison to Osama, who looks like he’s had about enough of Stouffer’s Cave Cuisine. Still, these guys know how to use the media better than Bush the Butcher. What’s he thinking giving the State of the Union opposite American Idol? Hmm, Paula Abdul or George Bush? I may be bloodthirsty, but at least I’m warmblooded.
UPDATE: American Idol runs only from 8 to 9 p.m. EST tonight, so if you want to watch someone stumble and make a fool of himself in front of millions, even after hours of rehearsal and coaching, you can watch both Idol and the State of the Union.