Slow News Day
Other than reality TV stars (check that: wannabe reality TV stars) crashing White House parties and China ginning up bogus carbon cuts to make themselves look good in front of Eurocrats, there’s not a lot going on.
So let’s just enjoy this barely believable column from local scribe and radio host, Howie Carr (I say barely believable, but if you find it unbelievable, remember this is Massachusetts):
If I ever get in a jam, I wouldn’t think of asking for any special consideration.
Just treat me like an illegal alien.
The illegal alien du jour is Angel Castaneda, also known as Enrique Colon, which is the name on his driver’s license. It’s called identity fraud, at least if you’re an American citizen. If you’re an illegal alien, it’s called, “Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.”
First of all, Angel is no angel. He’s already been deported once, and guess what - he came back. As the old song goes, “Everything free in America.” And now in his latest crime he stands convicted last month of holding off an entire shift of Danvers cops - not one cop but an entire shift - with a chain saw that was running.
The idiot judge gave him a whopping six months at the House of Correction. Angel copped an Alford plea and could be out of Middleton by Super Bowl Sunday.
Angel - who after all was only committing the crimes that Americans will no longer commit - had been “drinking and doing whatever” all night in Lawrence. Imagine, an illegal alien in Lawrence - excuse me, he’s a “New American,” as Gov. Deval Patrick puts it.
He was driving back to his house in Danvers when he called his wife, whom he’d allegedly been threatening all night. She handed the phone to a cop she’d called, and the cop informed Angel that the missus had asked for a restraining order.
To which this “New American” responded in so many words, “Restraining orders? I don’t need no stinkin’ restraining orders.”
A few seconds later, the El Salvadorean criminal pulled up in a pickup truck, shirtless, started up his chain saw and began, as one newspaper account put it, “terrorizing his wife’s family, sawing off a patio table umbrella, then trying to saw his way into a window, and finally trying to cut and kick his way inside the locked front door.”
The cop radioed back: “Dispatch, send everybody!”
Eventually five Danvers cops arrived. Somehow they got Angel/Enrique to turn off the saw and put it down.
Luckily for Angel, his lawyer knew how to tug at Judge Robert Cornetta’s heartstrings. According to The Salem News, she told Cornetta that Angel couldn’t remember a bit of his crime spree.
Oh yes, the old I-can’t-remember defense. Yeah, that’s the ticket. And for good measure, he has a “substance” problem and “relapsed” after the death of his father last year. Riiiiiight.
Asked for a comment, the judge’s flack replied that he did order ICE “be notified immediately of the defendant’s illegal status and to hold him on a detainer.”
Of course, these days among New Americans the synonym for deportation is “vacation.” Given his record, chances are good he’ll be resuming his crime wave in Lawrence sometime around Groundhog Day. He’ll have a new driver’s license under a new fake name, he won’t be paying taxes, and by next fall he could very well be voting in the governor’s race.
For Deval Patrick, naturally.
Yeah, I printed the whole thing. You tell me what detail I could have left out.
There’s also a video at the site of Carr laughing his way through the insanities of political life here in the Commonwealth.