Bloodthirsty Liberal

If you’re not already dialing 1-800-NYTIMES to cancel your subscription, what is your problem?

“The marriage of the Times’ flag and Obama’s silhouette was jarring. One guest remarked that the poster looked like something put out by Pravda — state-run liberal media…

Hence the party. But for a paper with the Times’ long-held journalistic values, hosting a party for a political candidate is far from seemly. ‘I don’t know how to explain it,’ one Times staffer said. ‘I don’t know what the thinking was.’”

No worries: the Times assures us that its vaunted journalistic ethics remain intact:

Times metro reporter/byline beast Sewell Chan, who as of this afternoon had 2,383 Facebook friends, assured the Daily Transom that, specially-designed logos not withstanding, the paper maintained its objectivity throughout the day, and that nothing journalistically untoward had happened earlier at the informal watching party in the paper’s conference room. “It was exciting, but decorous,” Mr. Chan said. “There was no inappropriate whooping or cheering.”

The “paper of record” is now the “paper of decorous objectivity”.

But then Times are changing (get it?); once, immigrant children used to sell newspapers on street corners.

Now they buy them:

The New York Times Co. bought time with a $250 million infusion from Mexican telecommunications billionaire Carlos Slim, but analysts say the loans won’t erase the company’s broader challenges of paying down debt while ad revenue plunges.

The Times is paying a hefty interest rate of 14 percent and giving Slim warrants that could let him boost his stake in the company. That could turn one of the world’s richest men into one of the newspaper publisher’s biggest shareholders.

…

Simonton said the required interest payments to Slim could further squeeze the Times’ cash flow. And the Times has already tried other big cash-saving moves, such as cutting its dividend by 74 percent.

I’ll be the first to admit that there’s no substance to this story, merely symbolism—but isn’t that what we think of the whole Obamenon?

It was not precisely lip-synching, but pretty close.

The somber, elegiac tones before President Obama’s oath of office at the inauguration on Tuesday came from the instruments of Yo-Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman and two colleagues. But what the millions on the Mall and watching on television heard was in fact a recording, made two days earlier by the quartet and matched tone for tone by the musicians playing along.

The players and the inauguration organizing committee said the arrangement was necessary because of the extreme cold and wind during Tuesday’s ceremony. The conditions raised the possibility of broken piano strings, cracked instruments and wacky intonation minutes before the president’s swearing in (which had problems of its own).

Well then, here’s an idea: don’t do it!

I will be the last person to bitch-slap* classical musicians—they’re my peeps. Perlman and Ma are showmen, but they’re also among the greatest artists of all time at their instruments.

So did they really need to take part in a carnival act? I suppose there’s some precedent for such midway antics: Paganini and Liszt transformed their singular virtuosity into cults of personality. But they actually played.

No, I’ll blame the P. T. Barnum of the dog and pony show, which is to say whoever is in charge of packaging the president these days. Including the networks, who clearly subscribe to the line at the end of The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence: “When legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

These musicians would have been much more appropriate to the hoax, don’t you think?

* It’s not that I don’t find the term bitch-slap offensive: I do. Absolutely. But nothing else comes close in impact. So we just have to put our sensitivities aside sometimes and enjoy the crude but wonderfully alive energy of language.

No, no, that’s not what I intend to do to His Oneness (well, it is—just not in this post); that’s how you should think of him. As a heroic captain who crashes his plane after killing a bunch of geese—or something like that (via Newsbusters):

If one were searching for an appropriate metaphor—and, at times like this, one is always searching for a metaphor—it would be hard to do better than US Airways Flight 1549, the plane that crash-landed safely in the Hudson River last week.

…

As you listen to President Barack Obama speak Tuesday, as you watch him parade down Pennsylvania Avenue and dance at the inaugural balls, keep this story in mind, for it describes with eerie accuracy the task ahead of him. He is, in effect, the pilot of a plane whose engine has unexpectedly exploded….

This is supposed to make me feel better?

I can see Obama in the captain’s uniform, but his neck is swimming inside a collar several sizes too big for him and the hat keeps falling over his eyes.

What’s worse, he keeps asking a small boy if he likes gladiator movies and has ever seen a grown man naked.

Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.

Michelle wonders what we’ll be doing, those of us who aren’t intoxicated with Obamania.

Well, while we’re on the subject of intoxication…

How about a drinking game? Every time His Oneness utters the words “hope” or “change” you take a shot of whiskey. Every time he says “unite” or “we” you take a gulp of beer. (Or pick your own words—there won’t be that many to choose from.) You’ll be potted after five minutes.

You’ll have the mother of all headaches on Wednesday, but that’s not going to go away for four years, so you might as well get used to it.

One minute he’s Lincoln; the next he’s MLK—last summer in Berlin he was JFK. Our next president shows an unhealthy identification with people who get shot, if you ask me, but that’s up to him.

All I know is that he’s gold. There is so much merchandising around
The Messiah Elect that I’d like to cash in again with this one-time offer of my own.

Moms, for only $19.99, plus shipping and handling, this limited edition… whatever… can be yours. Send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Bloodthirsty Liberal, Bloodthirsty Liberal Tower, Battle Creek, Michigan.

Of course, the ultimate mantle he’s seeking to wear is that of Jesus Christ, who (some believe) redeemed all our sins. Again with the assassinated political leaders, but that’s how he and his supporters see him. Me, I’ll just pray for his safety—and twice as hard for ours.

How come if 47% of the people did not vote for Barack Obama (46 for McCain plus one for everyone else), we have to feel like lepers at a pool party?

Pomp and circumstance have been replaced with pimp and self-aggrandizement — all topped with a heapful of double standards.

…

On his radio show last week, Rush Limbaugh railed against “people on our side of the aisle who have caved and who say, ‘Well, I hope he succeeds. We have to give him a chance.’”

“Why?” Limbaugh demanded. “They didn’t give Bush a chance in 2000. Before he was inaugurated, the search-and-destroy mission had begun. I’m not talking about search-and-destroy, but I’ve been listening to Barack Obama for a year and a half. I know what his politics are. I know what his plans are, as he has stated them. I don’t want them to succeed.”

That’s it exactly. I don’t want him to succeed, because if he succeeds the country fails. For the country to stay safe (for which much thanks, President Bush) and return to prosperity, Obama will have to either fail spectacularly or govern in complete refutation of his platform and promises.

I fear his success, and I fear he will succeed.

Credit to Michelle and Rush for reporting what the rest of the media would rather not mention.

The coronation assumption installation ascension inauguration is going to cost (cue up Dr. Evil from Austin Powers) one hundred and sixty million dollars.

With our national short-term memory non-existent, both Michelle and Rush offer this helpful reminder from last inauguration:

Dear Mr. President:

The festivities surrounding your inauguration later this month are slated to cost $40 million – making this the most expensive inauguration in history. I urge you to re-direct those funds towards a use more fitting to these sober times – bonuses or equipment for our troops.

Precedent suggests that inaugural festivities should be muted – if not cancelled – in wartime. In the midst of World War II, President Roosevelt held his 1945 inaugural at the White House, making a short speech and serving guests cold chicken salad and plain pound cake. During World War I, President Wilson did not have any parties at his 1917 inaugural, saying that such festivities would be undignified.

Furthermore, $40 million could provide substantial support for our troops overseas. For example, we could buy armor for 690 unarmored humvees or provide a $290 bonus for each member of the armed services station in Iraq.

Please re-direct all the funds raised for the inauguration to our brave men and women in uniform.

Boy, inflation must be worse than we thought. Obama’s inauguration is going to cost four times what the last one cost—only four years ago, as if I need to point that out.

Okay, so maybe the war isn’t as big an issue as it was last inauguration (for which much thanks, President Bush). But the economy is. As long as we’re bailing out every Tom, Dick, and Zeituni, may I point out that $160,000,000 could buy out 1,600 mortgages of $100,000? I’m not saying we should—I’m begging that we don’t—but it could.

What I am saying is that spending this kind of money in this kind of economy is obscene.

Like me, Jules Crittenden is expecting to lose his lunch on January 20th:

I’m talking about the unprecedented Inaugur-a-palooza, the like of which has never been witnessed and is already becoming a source of wonderment in itself. The massive treacly hands-across-Americathon already winding up, to unfold for days ahead of, during and after the Messianic Ascension.

And if you’re already feeling a glottal twinge, like maybe your gorge is rising, too,, then this is the place you’ll want to be. Right here at www.julescrittenden.com, a.k.a. “Forward Movement,” to be redubbed “Upward Chuck” for the occasion. Because this is where we’ll tossing the honeyed pigeon eyeballs like a clutch of Roman proconsuls.

Owner of a stronger stomach than mine, Jules surveys the adulation heaped upon the Messiah by a reverent press. Have a bag handy.

Michelle Malkin notes that this Inauguration Day, unlike last time, we can’t spend enough money:

President Obama’s Chicago machine is kicking into high gear to plan and fund his massive, unprecedented inaugural festivities. He just appointed an inauguration planning committee that includes his hometown cronies William Daley and Penny Pritzker. They’ve got a campaign-style website counting down the days to the massive party in Washington.

…

All of which reminded me of the unhinged Left’s protests in late 2004 before the Bush inaugural. He was bashed for continuing the American tradition in a time of war and for holding parties so soon after the southeast Asian tsunami disaster.

…

In fact, let me reprint Democrat Rep. Weiner’s entire protest letter from January 11, 2005:

…

The festivities surrounding your inauguration later this month are slated to cost $40 million – making this the most expensive inauguration in history. I urge you to re-direct those funds towards a use more fitting to these sober times – bonuses or equipment for our troops.

…

With an estimated 1.5 million people expected to descend on Washington for the Obama festivities and a federal tax bill alone of at least $50 million, next January’s inauguration will dwarf Bush’s inaugural events and expenses. We are still at war. And, as the Democrats remind us, economic times are tough and average Americans are hurting.

Oh, I don’t know, Michelle. They’re not hurting that bad:

…Barack Obama mugs, T-shirts, stationery, posters, postcards, notecards, aprons, coasters, dog jerseys, throw pillows and mouse pads. With so many segments of the economy in the fetal position, the Obama memorabilia business is one of the very few that is actually thriving.

…

At CafePress.com there are 96,000 different Obama-related designs for sale, according to vice president of marketing Amy Maniatis. That includes a T-shirt that says “Now I don’t have to move to Canada” and a poster that says “Once you go Barack, you’ll never go back.”

…

“This is our third election, and for us, what we saw in 2000 and 2004 was really different,” Maniatis says. “There was a lot of anti-Bush merchandise after those elections.” Anti-Bush stuff sold so well for so many years that there was genuine concern at CafePress that the end of the president’s second term would hurt the company’s bottom line. (”Economists Warn Anti-Bush Merchandise Market Close to Collapse” read a recent headline in the Onion.) Instead, Obama love has more than offset the downturn.

I guess that’s one industry we won’t have to bail out. But what are we going to do with all those BusHitler baby bibs and 1.20.09 dog jerseys taking up space in our garage? Who’ll buy those toxic assets?

We don’t have to say it ourselves: the actions of others say it for us. But here goes, anyway:

It’s not what Barack stands for—he stands pretty much for anything, from radical socialism to crypto-fascism—it’s all about what stands against Bush.

As Red Skelton was reputed to have remarked about the large crowds at movie mogul Harry Cohn’s funeral: give the people what they want, and they’ll come out for it.

They come not praise Obama, but to bury Bush.

Or, as was said about the crowds at movie mogul Louis B. Mayer’s funeral: they just wanted to make sure he was dead.