Obama’s Big Speech

Got the popcorn ready to go? We’re going to be treated to a Very Important Speech™ about Syria this evening. Our hapless Secretary of State appears to have handed the reigns of the Middle East off to Vladimir Putin, and it looks like we can all pretend that the “international community” will scoop up the WMD’s and no one will ever, ever, ever use poison gas in war again. Ever.

But I have a dream to share. President Obama stands before the television cameras, clears his throat, and begins the usual long-winded, pointless pronouncements, filled with faux feelings and unintelligible thoughts. He’s rambling, you’re dozing.

“My administration has avoided war,” blah, blah, blah… when Wait!! Seriously, Wake Up! Holy Moly, he’s talking about needing to spend more time with Michelle and the girls. He’s tired. He’s given it his all, but his all just isn’t enough. No one man, no matter how brilliant, could do all this.” (He’s in over his head, and he’s letting us know he knows it.)

“And so, I have decided to hand over the Presidency to my able Vice President, Joe Biden.” (Biden runs up to the podium, fists punching the air, like Rocky.)

Oh, I hear you. Aggie, what are you drinking? That’s none of your business.

I can dream, can’t I?

– Aggie


  1. Bloodthirsty Liberal said,

    September 10, 2013 @ 12:47 pm

    Aggie, Aggie, Aggie…

    Haven’t you heard? Obama, ably assisted by the brown-nosed media, has declared this cluster[bleep] a succès fou. It’s what they meant all along! When Kerry said it would never happen, was a complete non-starter he was…well, I’m not smart enough to figure that out. That’s why Kerry is Kerry (and knows what succès fou means).

    When Obama goes on the tube tonight (I’ll be detailing my car—in the dark) he’ll level with the American people. “I needed to act against these horrible abuses that I saw. I had the authority to act, but I saw the wisdom, naturally, of seeking the advice and consent of Congress. Once the international community saw how resolute I was, they scurried to accommodate my demands. As I said to Eric Cantor after I won the election in 2008, ‘I won.’ Thank you.”

    You can dream whatever drug-induced reveries you wish, my dear, but my nightmare has the cacophonous ring of truth.

  2. Yerushalimey said,

    September 10, 2013 @ 3:06 pm

    Sir Winston Barack Churchill Obama
    We shall fight on the beaches—mostly on Martha’s Vineyard, where everybody was over Labor Day weekend—we shall fight at the G-20 summit in St. Petersburg, we shall fight at the U.N. Security Council, we shall fight in the House of Representatives and the Senate when Congress is finally back in session; we shall never surrender unless we don’t get enough votes or our poll ratings are low.
    I Came, I Saw, I Skedaddled
    Decisive moments in Barack Obama history.
    Sep 16, 2013, Vol. 19, No. 02 • By P.?J. O’ROURKE http://www.weeklystandard.com/articles/i-came-i-saw-i-skedaddled_752783.html

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