Reporting for Duty

As John Kerry prepares to take his phony act to the international stage, it seems the proper time to revisit some of his greatest hits to date—courtesy, of course, of the great Howie Carr:

Here is Mr. Secretary on Syria and its very ethical leader: “Syria is an essential player in bringing peace and stability to the region. … President Assad has been very generous with me in terms of the discussions we have had.”

On the dedication of the Big Dig tunnel: “This tunnel will be a bargain!”

Remember when the Herald caught Liveshot trying to beat the $500,000 state sales tax on his new $7 million yacht, the Isabella? As reporters swarmed, he jumped into his Chevy Volt, er, SUV, and issued this clarion explanation:

“Can I get outta here please?”

As the reporters kept pestering him with questions, perhaps because he’s never seen a tax he didn’t like, unless it was on himself, of course: “Let’s not get silly here.”

On the fact that when it comes to charity, he tosses around quarters like they were manhole covers: “The fact is I did make some contributions. They’re not enormous. I have two kids. I live off my Senate salary. My wife may be independently wealthy. I’m not.”

Now he’s worth $193 million.

And of course, this great one from 2004: “I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.”

Music, anyone? “I’m fascinated by rap.”

His favorite Red Sox player? “Manny Ortez.”

Favorite football team? “You’re lookin’ at the biggest cheesehead in America, right here.”

In rural Ohio, pandering for the hick vote: “Can I get me a hunting license here?”

If you don’t study hard, you’ll end up in Iraq. “It was a botched joke.”

That would seem an appropriate one to end on, but let Howie have his say:

Everyone has their own favorite John Kerry moment, and this is mine, from 2004, when he announced that his vice presidential running mate was U.S. Sen. John Edwards. Liveshot, always a superb judge of character, said this about the ambulance-chaser who touched everything but the third rail:

“I know his skill. I know his passion. I know his conscience. I know his faith. He has honored the lessons of home and family.”

Yes, Mr. Secretary, but did you know his pregnant mistress?

You can hear some of these gems for yourself here.

America had the choice between this boob and an unpopular, illegitimate, war-mongering, inarticulate Texas hick—and wisely chose the latter. We, on the other hand, have voted the boob to the Senate five times. Draw your own conclusions.

PS: That’s why every town needs at least two newspapers. One to print the truth (in this case, the Herald), and one to provide the staff (in this case, the Globe), as Aggie reports below.

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