Holiday Retail Sales Weakest Since 2008

Who knew?

I read in the media that the economy was rapidly improving?

U.S. holiday retail sales this year grew at the weakest pace since 2008, when the nation was in a deep recession. In 2012, the shopping season was disrupted by bad weather and consumers’ rising uncertainty about the economy.
A report that tracks spending on popular holiday goods, the MasterCard Advisors SpendingPulse, said Tuesday that sales in the two months before Christmas increased 0.7 percent, compared with last year. Many analysts had expected holiday sales to grow 3 to 4 percent.

Whoopsie! That’s quite a big miss, economists. Let me wake Barney and Frank, The Dynamic Hamster Duo, who are sleeping off the holiday roast beef and yorkshire pudding. I wonder if they thought that sales would rise 3-4%?

Come on, guys, wake up! Just a quick question. (Hamsters can be very lazy.)

Ok, here’s what they said, and they said it really grumpily: “Aggie, have you looked at your credit card bill? What did your spending do?” Hmmm. Mine went down, substantially. “Well, duh. That’s because you don’t get the warm fuzzies from this economy. So for everyone out there who maybe increased spending a little, there are lots and lots of Nervous Nellies who read the financial news and think about this stuff. And they ain’t feeling too good about the future. So they cut way back.”


“Is it ok with you if we go back to sleep now?”

Rude, squeaky voices. After all I’ve done for them. The sooner the better. :(

– Aggie


  1. Bloodthirsty Liberal said,

    December 26, 2012 @ 10:16 am

    Not to worry, Aggie. While your hamsters are bearish, the ostriches at CNN see hope:

    Estimates for the final shopping weekend aren’t out yet, but there’s evidence that more shoppers were coming into stores as the holidays drew near.

    At North Point Mall in Alpharetta, Georgia, the parking lots were at capacity this past weekend, and it was standing room only at the food court, according to the mall’s general manager Nick Nicolosi.

    “By the amount of bags I saw, with people carrying four or five each, it’s looking like a great season,” he said.

    A poll conducted by The NPD Group and CivicScience revealed that 42% of consumers were still shopping for the holidays last week, since many have been groomed to wait for better deals later in the season.

    Boom or bust, who knows? But it was nice to see our president setting the example for conspicuous consumption, jetting over 4,800 miles to Hawaii for a couple of rounds of golf with a busted john.

    If that doesn’t make you want to go out and buy a flat-screen TV you can’t afford and an Orange Julius, I don’t know what does. I’m just so glad that while everyone else is scaling back and hunkering down, the Obamas are still “going Hawaiian” like Gidget on steroids.


  2. Buck O'Fama said,

    December 26, 2012 @ 1:34 pm


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